I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
