dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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