dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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