I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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