just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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