You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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