So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
