Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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