We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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