When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
