You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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