what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we're so committed to being not committed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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