The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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