True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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