is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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