at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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