I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
