They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.