her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself