oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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