textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god