woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
