so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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