dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
