I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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