she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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