You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
