Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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