I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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