i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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