I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
