i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
