I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
