mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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