I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
