I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
