good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
