no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
