I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
