Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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