Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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