about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
