are you still at the devil's house?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
