my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
