i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
