3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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