Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
