a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
