why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize