I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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