toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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