how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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