I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
