One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's shark week go big or go home
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
