True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What a dumb baby whore.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
