you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
