Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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