trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
