That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
