you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
