I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
