There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
