you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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